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A few months ago, I was suckered into a job with a company I'll call "Marketing Misfits". I should have known something was wrong when the person who interviewed and hired me, quit the day before I started. Within a week, I knew this company was completely screwed up! Since no one would ever give me a straight answer, I decided the best way to quit was by emailing a multiple choice resignation letter to HR.

This is to inform you that
[ ]vitamin C doesn't cure baldness
[ ]a new opportunity has presented itself
[X]I still have no idea what is happening around here
[ ]it's time for a change

I am therefore
[X]tendering my resignation from Marketing Misfits
[ ]taking tango lessons
[ ]learning Swahili
[ ]running away to join the circus

I wish to advise you that
[ ]there's a funny smell in the break room
[ ]I can't drive a stick-shift
[ ]I've become dain bramaged
[X]today will be my last day of employment. In fact, I left the building ten minutes ago.

The duties of my position
[X]are night-and-day different from what Robert promised during my interview
[ ]appear to change from one day to the next
[ ]are so stressful, that the last two hairs on my head not only fell out, but ran away screaming
[ ]have raised my blood pressure level so high, my reading looks like a phone number

I would like to thank you for
[ ]the experience of having worked for Marketing Misfits
[ ]a very strange time
[X]providing me with a desk outfitted with stale snack foods and random fast-food wrappers
[ ]not wearing Bermuda shorts

During my tenure at Marketing Misfits, I have learned
[ ]that if enough people are involved, a simple 10-minute Wordpress installation can be dragged out for several months
[X]to avoid the men's bathroom in the late morning, as a "mystery" co-worker routinely renders it uninhabitable for human beings
[ ]start times and attendance requirements for meetings are subject to interpretation, depending on who schedules them
[ ]both the "F" and "J" keys on my keyboard have nipples

Furthermore, I have realized
[ ]that the only thing less productive than a department meeting is a multi-department meeting
[ ]the spacebar on my keyboard is barely attached and could function as a see-saw for mice
[ ]I've attended more meetings the last three weeks, than I have in the last three years
[X]I now have a visceral hatred for whiteboards

Lastly, I should tell you that
[ ]having people's faces appear in office email headers really freaks me out
[ ]texting while driving is illegal, as should texting during meetings
[X]I wore one brown shoe and one black shoe every day this week, just to see if anyone would notice
[ ]I'm actually Marketing Misfits' evil arch-rival, "Warketing Misfits"

I will be returning to corporate accounting fulltime. This is because the standard 1120S form
[ ]is less complicated than a Marketing Misfits office supplies request document
[ ]can be successfully drafted without the need for multiple strategy, production and fulfillment meetings
[X]can be lawfully executed without using the awkward and inefficient project management software you force everyone to use
[ ]is not hidden in a series of never-ending folders on the server

My access keycard
[ ]was never needed as I always climbed in through the window
[ ]has eloped with my VISA card
[X]is in the top right drawer of my desk
[ ]had gender reassignment surgery and is now living as a wall outlet named "Judy"

#3204
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Your boss really IS stupid! (3) - Eh, my boss has done worse. (0)

Dec 26, 2013 01:38 PM - General Stupidity - by Multiple Choice Resignation I (man)

 

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I had been working at an office for five years, at the company for a total of seven years. We had a merger with a competitor that had another office In the area.

The decision was made to move staff from that office to ours, and there were any discussions about doing this, as I worked for this firm as one of two in their local IT department and my presence would be required for reworking cubicles ahead of time and for moving the computers across town.

My wife was pregnant at the time, and my boss decided to give a four-week notice of the move- he designated it for the day before my wife was due.

I told him this the moment I heard this time frame was in the works, and his response was "have you considered having an induction? I don't want anything to interfere with this move." I told him flat-out "no." HR called me in a little while later to apologize for my boss' audacity. The baby came after the move I was terminated four weeks after the baby came.

#3131
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This morning my boss had a conference call with a distributor. He's always been the last to arrive on one of these calls, so he's always had one of us dial in. Today he was in the conference room by himself.

Despite the label on the speaker phone instructing you to 'press 9, then dial the number', he skipped dialing 9.
I counted 8 attempts until my stupid boss yelled at me to 'get this damn phone working'.

I walked in, pressed 9 and walked out. Somehow he's the boss.

#3103
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Your boss really IS stupid! (10) - Eh, my boss has done worse. (2)

Sep 30, 2013 11:07 AM - How Are You MY Boss - by Dave (man)

 

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My boss is so stupid... doesn't even know my name. I been at a franchise store that sells cell phones for two months. He calls me 'Carla" even though my name is 'Andrea'. I've corrected him twice, but he doesn't care.

Yesterday the franchise owner came in and started yelling at my manager. We could all hear them all the way in the back office.

My manager blamed the new girl (me) for whatever he did wrong. He blamed it on 'Carla". The owner yelled back - 'I got your email and your full of shit! I checked. No one named 'Carla' works here.' The manager and the owner came running towards me and my manager pointed at me...'see, that's Carla'.

The owner said 'no, that's Andrea. Your either covering up or too stupid to know who your employees are. Which is it?'

My manager was speechless and turned red. A-hole deserved it.

#3095
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Your boss really IS stupid! (28) - Eh, my boss has done worse. (0)

Sep 20, 2013 09:27 AM - General Stupidity - by Carla (woman)

 

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So one of my coworkers had to give a phone call to my boss and my boss told me to answer it.

She then proceeded to instruct me to take the phone call pretending to be her and tell the client that she wasn't there. I looked at her with a confused look waiting for her to figure out what she said but nothing.

Because I still had the look of confusion, she repeated it. It was only after I repeated what she said very sarcastically did she realize what she said. OMG! Couldn't stop laughing for a good while.

#3094
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Your boss really IS stupid! (13) - Eh, my boss has done worse. (1)

Sep 19, 2013 06:45 PM - General Stupidity - by Ridic4225 (woman)

 

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My boss called the secretary into her office to help her figure out why her computer was typing in all caps... the caps lock was on... this happened not once, but twice!

 

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